


Duck!

by fangirl6202



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Coffee, Detectives, Domestic Fluff, First Meetings, Flirting, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, Morning Kisses, Pansexual Klaus Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-25 21:34:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20032705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl6202/pseuds/fangirl6202
Summary: Sitting in a random holding cell in Manhattan, Klaus Hargreeves sighed. Getting arrested hadn't been in his itinerary when he walked out of the apartment this morning, but hey! He had nothing better to do.-----Klaus Hargreeves is an idiot who doesn't know how to keep himself out of trouble and Dave Katz has the absolute pleasure of making his acquaintance in some, uh, unusual circumstances.





	Duck!

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a prompt and by an actual conversation with my sister. 
> 
> Enjoy :))

Sitting in a random holding cell in Manhattan, Klaus Hargreeves sighed. Getting arrested hadn't been in his itinerary when he walked out of the apartment this morning, but hey! He had nothing better to do. 

Klaus hadn't been arrested for his_ usual _ thing, but for a much more noble, much more _ stupid _reason. His brothers (and roommates) Diego and Ben still wouldn't be happy about it, but Klaus didn't focus on that. He focused on the fact that he now had an accomplice!

A very cute accomplice, one who wasn't speaking to him at the moment and was instead looking at the bars of their shared holding cell with a look of worry on his perfect face. He was built, that much was obvious even though he had layers on, with a haircut that screamed _ military _to Klaus. Which was a shame, most military men didn't want to be seen near him, but even with his very androgynous outfit the man hadn't sent him any death glares. 

They had been thrown in around an hour ago, and Klaus' high had sadly worn off by then. To pass the time, he had hummed _ Toxic _by Brittney Spears, eating the pretty stranger up with his eyes, while his unknown accomplice paced like a maniac. The both of them had settled down now, though neither spoke to the other. 

"So…"

The word was out of Klaus' mouth before he could stop himself. It was probably stupid to attempt a conversation, given the circumstance Klaus had gotten them into, but the (_ stunningly _attractive) stranger had already turned his head towards him.

"...I'm guessing you're not from New York." 

It was more of a statement than a question: Klaus had been born a New Yorker so he knew that anyone like the man sitting next to him was anything but. He was right, apparently, since the man's lip quirked up. "That obvious, huh? What gave it away?" 

Klaus wasn't entirely expecting the man to respond, so he thought on it for a second before answering: "You still have a heart." 

It came out _ way flirtatious _ than he meant, the nonchalance he was going for falling short, but Klaus _ totally _meant it. Just a teeny bit of embarrassment, he didn't even know he still felt that emotion, was definitely worth it though; The man's mouth fell open, gaping like a cute itty bitty fish. 

"O-Oh?" 

"Yeah. Most people would have walked away, but you stayed and helped. Even when the cops showed up."

"Is that not what most New Yorkers would do?" The man asked, face scrunching up in confusion. 

The snort and giggle that left Klaus was purely unintentional, grinning like a mad man. Oh _ God, _ he was so naive! " _ Fuck _no, baby boy. Shitty city filled with shitty people," he said, taking way too much pleasure in seeing the other man's face heat up. 

Before he could continue their conversation, a woman he happened to know very well came up to their cell. "Klaus," she said in a tone meant to sound irritated but held a note of affection. And how could it not? Eudora Patch had known Klaus for years and had been in love with his brother for a majority of that time. "He said he'll be here as soon as he can, but it might be another hour or two." 

That was to be expected. His brother was the type of man who threw himself into his work and he probably wanted to teach Klaus a lesson, the bastard. He smiled at her nonetheless, waving his _ Hello _tattoo. "Thank you, Eudora!"

With a small smile, the detective who was definitely in love with his brother but refused to admit it walked away, leaving Klaus and the stranger alone once again. 

"Klaus?" The man said, breaking the silence after a few moments. 

"Yes?" He asked, turning to face him.

The man blushed again, shaking his head and stuttering. "N-No, I meant, is that your name?" Klaus let out a chuckle at his nervousness and held out a hand. 

"Why yes it is, stranger, and yours?" 

The man extended his own hand, shaking Klaus' with a nervous grin on his face. "Dave. Dave Katz." 

_ Dave _ , he thought. _ That's a beautiful name. _ Without a second thought, he raised the newly dubbed Dave's hand to his lips, maintaining eye contact as he pressed a kiss to his knuckles. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Dave."

\-----

Klaus doubled over, tears streaming down his face as the two held onto each other as they broke down into fits of laughter. 

"Y-You're kidding!" Klaus choked out, laughing so hard tears were obscuring his vision. 

"I swear to God!" Dave replied in between shallow breaths, clutching his stomach. "My entire troops' hair was pink for a week!" 

Just a couple hours beforehand, Klaus never would have expected to be getting along so well with an army man, but here he was, laughing over the pranks and mishaps that had happened over his two tours in Afghanistan. The two were sent into another fit of laughter, laughing so hard that neither saw the fed up Detective approach their holding cell. 

"Klaus!" The man said, startling said almost-convict and Dave. "What the hell did you and your junkie friend do?"

Their laughter subsided. 

"Excuse me?" Dave said, a look of indignation on his face as he stood. "_Junkie?" _

_ Oh no. _

The Detective was shocked at the response, a look a surprise grazing his face for a second before being replaced with one of annoyance. "Yeah. You hang around with him? You'd _ have _to be a junkie."

"Officer-"

'Detective," both men said, one in warning and the other in aid. Klaus wasn't sure he wanted to see how this situation turned out. 

"_ Detective," _ Dave stressed, "I would prefer it if you don't disrespect me _ or _this man again." 

"What has he done to _ earn _ my respect?" He retorted, confusion obvious in his voice and honestly? Klaus was confused too. Was Dave...standing up for him? For _ him?!_

"He hasn't done _ anything _for you to talk about him like that!" 

"He's done _ plenty, _buddy. You don't know the half of it." 

"Be that as it may," Dave continued and Jesus Christ did people still talk like that? "That doesn't give you the right to speak to him like that!" 

"Ok, I'm going to let that one go, but don't you dare think--" 

"I did _ not _finish two tours in Afghanistan to feel threatened by the likes of you!" 

_ Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. _

That comment would tell the Detective that Dave was a vet, just like the person he had the hardest time getting along with: Luther, his brother. 

_Please don't make the comment, please dont--_

"Oh a soldier boy!" He exclaimed and Klaus knew he had to intervene. "Well alright big guy, why don't we--" 

"Christ on a _ cracker!" _Klaus interjected, throwing his hands up in the air and surprising both men into silence. "Is this because I didn't wash the dishes?!" 

"What_?" _was asked in a very confused tone at the same time Detective Diego Hargreeves yelled out a frustrated, "_Yes!" _

Of course it was. The Detective was hard, sure, but he wasn't a _dick. _This rudeness had nothing to do with Dave and everything to do with Klaus... and maybe he had angered him just a _tad _bit over not doing his part of the chores. Klaus groaned, dragging his face down before pointing an accusatory finger at the detective. "I _told _you I'd do them when I got home!" 

"And yet you _ didn't _ ! I know for a fact you didn't and had Ben do it because he was eating _ pancakes _this morning!" 

_ Ok _ , Klaus thought. _ Now I'm screwed. _ All throughout their childhood, Ben was the lookout and cover up for all of Klaus’ shenanigans, but to this day, Ben hated keeping secrets and was horrible at it anyways. After anything happened that made him even the slightest bit of remorse, he would stress-make enough pancakes to feed an entire army. _ Every. Single. Time._

"Oh that doesn't prove anything, _ Detective." _He spat out.

"You _ know _Ben only eats pancakes when he's feeling guilty! And what could he be feeling guilty about?"

Knowing he lost, Klaus lowered his head and didn’t meet hishard gaze. "...the crushing void of existentialism?"

"The fact that he's covering you for not washing _ the fucking dishes!" _

Klaus deflated, looking up to the ceiling before meeting the detective's eyes. "I'm sorry? It won't happen again?" 

Diego sighed, bringing out a set of keys and opening the door. "I wish I believed that, Klaus." 

Klaus waltzed out, bringing the detective into his arms and patting his back. "There there honeybunch, it'll be ok."

"Let me go or I'll break your arm." 

Dave cleared his throat, looking confused and awkward and all around adorable as he looked between the two of them. "Am I, uh, missing something here?" 

Klaus grinned at him, throwing an arm around the detective's shoulder. "Diego, meet Dave. Dave, meet Diego. My brother." 

"This is your brother?" He asked, looking between the two of them. Klaus knew what he was thinking because almost everyone wondered how an obviously hispanic man could be siblings with the palest white man on Earth. It was also a bit of an odd conundrum that Klaus had done every drug known to man while his brother was steadily climbing through the ranks of the NYPD. 

Before Klaus could explain, Diego snorted and shoved Klaus' arm off of him. "He's adopted."

He couldn't help but glare at that. "Diego we were _ all _adopted."

"Shut up."

Usually the inclusion of "_ all _" gained more odd looks and questions, but it appeared Dave had other plans. "I don't care if he's your brother or not, I want him to apologize." 

Klaus' smile faltered, glancing over to his brother with a rare serious look on his face. "He's right, Diego. Calling him a junkie was out of line." 

"What?! No, I want him to apologize to _ you _! Brother or not, he shouldn't talk to you like that!" 

It was Klaus' turn to be surprised. Never, _ never, _had someone other than his family actually stood up for him. Strangers on the street rarely gave him a second glance and yet this man he hadn't known for more than two hours was standing up to an armed police officer for him. 

Did that turn Klaus on? Yeah, maybe just a little. 

His brother and Dave stood in silence, staring at each other so intensely that Klaus readied himself to stop whatever fight would certainly ensure when Diego raised a hand. 

"My brother's right," he said, and Klaus thought his heart wouldn't be able to take any more surprises that day. "I overstepped and I'm sorry. I'm glad Klaus has someone like you looking out for him." 

With a nod, Dave raised his own hand and the two shook.

20 minutes later, Klaus and Dave sat in the back of Diego's cruiser at his insistance that the least he could do was give them a lift, anywhere they wanted. Staring out the window, it hit Klaus suddenly that this was the end. Dave would be dropped off wherever he lived, Klaus would go home, and the two would never interact again. The thought filled Klaus with sorrow and he didn't want it to happen… Never before had he clicked that quickly with someone, if felt as if they had known each other their entire lives.

"Do you wanna grab breakfast?" 

The question was out of his mouth before he could properly think it through and the second he said it, he wanted to open the car’s door and roll onto the road for anyone to run him over. What was he thinking?! He must have been insane, but some sick part of him was praying Dave would accept. 

For a moment, a _ terrible _ long moment, Dave only stared at him.

_ This is it _ , Klaus thought. _ He's going to leave and I'm never going to see him again. _He had misread the situation. He must have! No one as perfect and nice and attractive as Dave would ever--

"I was just about to ask you the same thing." Dave said, the brightest grin on his face. 

Klaus smiled back at him, only barely catching Diego's eyeroll in the rearview mirror. Without saying a word, Diego pulled over on the side of the street. He looked back at them, looking more amused than annoyed. "Please, do me a favor and get out. I don't need to see my little brother making out with someone in my car. 

With a laugh, Klaus threw the door open and grabbed Dave's wrist to pull him behind him. Launching a mad grin to Diego, Klaus began running down the streets of New York in the direction of his favorite breakfast place. 

"_ Where are we going?!" _He heard Dave laughingly yell over the street noise, and Klaus could only laugh back. 

"_ The future!" _

_\-----_

Klaus Hargreeves woke up to soft music filtering through his apartment, the sweet scent of coffee, and a kiss. Moaning, he blindly reached a hand up and cupped a familiar face, bringing his partner down to him, their (shirtless, he noticed happily) bodies fitting perfectly against each other. 

He broke off the kiss after a moment, opening his eyes slowly to meet those gorgeous blue eyes he had fallen so hard for. 

"Well, good morning to you, Mr. Katz-Hargreeves," Klaus breathed out, relishing in the beautiful laugh he was met with. 

"Good morning to you too, Mr. Katz-Hargreeves." Dave said, a soft smile on his lips as he looked down at Klaus. "Sleep well?" 

"Didn't sleep a wink," Klaus cheekily replied, slyly bringing his other hand to the man's ass and squeezing. "Not that I minded." 

The two men laughed with each other, and Dave cupped Klaus' face to kiss him again. Snaking his free hand into Dave's perfect curls, he felt more content than he had his whole life. _God_, how did Klaus get so lucky? The pair had now been together 3 years, and now they were 2 weeks into proudly displaying their wedding rings in their brand new house that they hadn't even finished furnishing. Their kitchen and living room was still littered with cardboard boxes, but it was _theirs_. Marriage was something he never thought he'd get to enjoy, but now he couldn't imagine life without Dave in it.

Dave who held him close at night, who looked at him like he was a precious jewel, who had the body of a God, who fucked him so well like his life depended on it, who brought him coffee every morning, who never once judged him for his drug addiction. Dave was the best part of Klaus' life and one he now refused to live without. 

Suddenly, Dave's alarm went off and Klaus could feel him smile. Speaking against his lips, Dave murmured out a sweet, "Happy one year, baby." 

Klaus jolted back, immediately thinking the worse. _Fuck_. What anniversary did he forget? Fuck fuck fuck fuck--- oh. _Oh_. The realization hit him like a bullet. "Holy shit, _today_?" 

"Yeah, baby, it's today." Dave replied, and he nodded his head towards their bedside table. Reaching over, he grabbed his phone and showed Klaus the screen. 

** _Alarm: 9:33 a.m. March 7, 2021 - Note: You did it!!_ **

** **

At first, the words didn't sink in, and when they did, Klaus began to laugh. It was soft , but quickly turned into hysteria, and he buried his face in his husband's shoulder as the emotions boiled over to the surface. Gripping onto Dave, he felt the waves of emotions rack through his body. The tears springing to his eyes however weren't that of sadness, but of happiness. Of _pride_. 

"Congratulations Klaus," Dave whispered and he could hear the emotions choking him up too. "You're officially a year sober." 

Hearing the words truly did him in. When he first told Dave in bed (naked, he might add) that he was going to quit... everything exactly a year beforehand, he wasn't sure he would actually be able to do it. But Dave had never doubted him. He stood right by him throughout it all: helped him discard all his stashes, held his hand when the withdrawal symptoms got too bad, kept his distance when Klaus' anger lashed out but still held him at night because he just knew Klaus needed to be held. 

Klaus had almost relapsed a few times, he had his low points, but the only thing that kept running through his mind was Dave. He couldn't disappoint him. 

He wrapped his arms around Dave, bringing himself up to kiss the top of his head. "_Thank you_." 

Both men knew he meant it for more than setting an alarm on his phone. 

"Come on, get up," Dave said, coughing to cover up his tears and sniffling. "I'm taking you to Griddy's for breakfast." 

Klaus laughed tearfully at the mention of their favorite place, the very same place he had dragged him to when they first met. They had even gone there after their wedding, one last shared plate of waffles before heading to their new house. He loved Griddy's, loved the memories he and Dave had there, _ loved _their waffles, and yet…

"I don't know," Klaus coaxed, letting his head fall back onto his pillow and grabbing Dave by the hips. "Breakfast isn't exactly on my mind right now." 

"_ Klaus, _" Dave cautioned, in that low voice that drove Klaus wild. His breath hitched when Klaus' fingers dipped under the waistband of his pajama bottoms, grazing bare skin. "I am taking you out to Griddy's. That's _that_."

He said it in _that_ voice, the voice he had used to bark orders in Afghanistan and used now when Klaus asked him nicely. He moaned upon hearing it, which definitely didn't help strengthen his husband's resolve.

"That's not _fair_," Klaus whined, pouting ever so slightly. "You know what that voice does to me!" 

Dave was now definitely blushing, a cute peachy color to his cheeks. "O-Our coffee's gonna get cold," he pointed out, nodding to the two mugs on their bedside table, and Klaus couldn't help but grin. 

"Coffee can wait," Klaus said, grinning wider when he felt a quite familiar weight press up against his leg. "_ I _can't." He glanced down, nodding in appreciation. "Looks like your friend can't either--" 

Before he could even finish his statement, Dave captured his mouth in a searing kiss that effectively shut him up. The two made quick work of their remaining layers, laughing together like horny teenagers rather than two men who had been together for years. 

Klaus looked in admiration when they were _finally_ naked, eyes eating up his husband's body with a lot of appreciation. He especially admired the tattoos on his arm, the emblem of his troop number and the day they got married. "God you're beautiful," he breathed out and Dave snorted. 

"Are you talking to me or my dick?" 

"I can love both of you!" 

Breakfast was indeed forgotten until much much later that day. 

Hanging on their wall (not that either men gave it the slightest bit of attention while preoccupied with completely devoting themselves to each other) was a wedding gift from one Sgt. Diego Patch. The two had laughed when they had first drunkenly opened it hours after their wedding, a reminder of how they met. 

It was a framed grainy photo taken from a traffic camera at approximately 7:57 a.m., showing two strangers mere minutes before they would be arrested for "disrupting traffic"

Huh. Who knew that stopping New York traffic to let a row of ducklings cross the street was the best decision Klaus would ever make. 

**Author's Note:**

> If I wanted to die, all I would have to do is take a shot every time I used a comma 👀
> 
> So I was just looking at my account and I haven't posted anything since February?! That's so weird since I /literally/ have not stopped writing: this is just the one work I've been able to finish lol. 
> 
> If this is shitty, I apologize, I wrote the first half of this on my way to the casino and sleep deprived.
> 
> While writing this, I came upon a revelation: Diego Patch just sounds adorable and is totally something he would do, and having Dave and Klaus refer to each other as their husband cured my depression. 
> 
> Please leave comments!!! I crave validation!!! Thank you so much for reading!!


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